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 Post subject: CHAPTER 85: Till death do us part
PostPosted: Sat Apr 23, 2016 7:58 pm 
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Long time no see, I guess (chapter-wise). I've had a lot of RL-stuff to attend to the past months (also still have), and whenever I planned to make a chapter, stuff just kept getting in the way. But if everything goes as planned, you'll get another chapter very soon.

(By the way, if you happen to have very strong religious beliefs and don't like to have these challenged, just... consider yourself warned, alright?)

Oh, and please don't hate me too much for what is about to happen...


Song for today:
Ed Sheeran - Autumn Leaves


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CHAPTER 85: Till death do us part
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It was a bright and beautiful early morning in April. Birds twittered in the treetops, oblivious to the goings-on of the humans in the house just underneath the leafy greens.

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Inside the house, no one quite managed to listen to the happy birdsong. It was too bright and cheery, too intruding, and didn’t fit the sadness that had settled down inside like a fine mist.
Peter, already wearing a shirt and black trousers, held out two ties.
“Black, or striped?” he asked, his voice ragged and monotone, probably from too much crying the previous few days. His eyes were dry now, as were mine.
“The striped one,” I answered without really looking, and walked over to the window. That birdsong trampled all over my nerves today.

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I closed the window with a sigh, leaned my forehead on the cold glass for a moment, and turned to my husband.
Peter’s shoulders sank, and he sat down on the edge of the bed, face in hands.
“My head’s a mess. I can’t even think.”

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“I know the feeling.”
I sat down beside him, and leaned my head on his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around me, and we sat there for a couple of minutes in silence. I closed my eyes, and for a brief moment I could pretend there were only the two of us in this entire world, without a single worry or fear.
But then I opened my eyes again, and it all came flooding back.

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“We’d better get ready,” I finally said, and gently pulled out of the embrace.
“Yeah… we’d better.”
I got up, and pulled on my shoes. Heeled ones, because my flats were so outworn they’d almost fell to pieces when I’d dug them out of the closet. I guess shopping for clothes hadn’t been a priority of late. Even the black dress I wore was a relic from several years back, and I was almost amazed it still fit. It was the only black dress I had managed to find. Truthfully, I’d never been much fond of wearing black. Most of my other black clothes had at least some color on them.

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“By the way, have you talked to Erica? She’s locked herself in her room again, and won’t open the door for me. I haven’t got the faintest idea what to do with her any longer.”
Peter shook his head. “Not the past couple of days. I’ve tried, but you know… She’s taking this very bad. She’d hoped for Lily to… to…” His voice cracked up.
I put a hand on his shoulder. “I know she’s sad. We’re all sad. But she can’t continue like this.” I glanced own at my watch. “We’ll be late. Put that tie on, alright?”

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I went about collecting everyone.
Melanie and Tony were ready, Melanie having an argument with Aidan on how to knot his tie, Tony trying to be helpful, but being not so much. I left them to it, knowing Melanie would probably manage to sort things out without my meddling.

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I then went upstairs and knocked on Erica’s door. There was a click in the lock, and she opened the door, strode through the hallway, and then down the stairs without as much as a glance at me.
At least she’d dressed in black.

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When I came back to the bedroom, Peter was still struggling with his tie.
“I can’t get this darned thing to…”
“Here, let me.” I tied it with practiced moves, while contemplating the question of how on Earth a woman who has never worn a tie in her entire life can be so much better at tying them than someone who wears them regularly. Peter usually kept his favorites in his closet loosely knotted, so he could just put them on and tighten.

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When everyone was finally ready to go, we climbed into the minivan. Melanie had offered to drive us, which was probably for the best, since she would quite likely be the safest person behind the wheel that day. I knew I had too much on my mind, and judging by Peter’s mostly vacant gaze, the same was true for him.

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Once we were on our way, the car filled with an eerie silence, and no one said a word the entire time. Erica kept staring through the window, refusing to make eye contact with anyone. Aidan sat with his eyes closed the entire time, with his head leaned back on the headrest. I could only imagine what was on his mind.
We arrived at the church half an hour before the funeral was about to start. My parents arrived just as we were backing into the parking lot.

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Everyone scrambled out of the car, and we joined Mom and Dad. Together, we all walked up the stairs, Aidan following us up a stone ramp on the side.

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Truth be told, I’d never really felt at home in a church. The place felt too large and imposing, particularly with the deep organ music that always made me uncomfortable, and the ceiling high enough to fit a giant. For me it had always been a place for solemn thoughts, which was one of the reasons Peter and I had not gotten married in a church, but instead opted to get married by the seaside, with a very good friend of ours being the officiant.

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I’d avoided churches most of my life, and had never been any religious. Come to think of it, I’d held a silent grudge against any potential gods out there, for throwing so many bad things at my family. Maybe better for them if they didn’t exist, or they’d get a hefty dose of my wrath when that time came. Letting two children in the same family go through their own personal version of hell could not possibly be the actions of a benevolent omnipotent godlike being. All of this being random chance and out of anyone’s control, god-like or not, somehow felt more comforting than someone up there having a particular dislike against us. I respected how some people could find comfort in religious beliefs. I just wasn’t one of them.
The only thing I had rock-hard faith in, was my family. If that meant going to church to support their beliefs, then that was exactly what I would do.

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The wooden coffin had been placed in the middle of the floor, just in front of the first benches. She’d wanted simple, polished birch. No paint, no glaze, just the clean, pale shade of the wood. It had been decorated with flowers and flower wreaths, mainly roses and several variations of lilies, with the occasional daisy and tulip thrown in.

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At the sight of the coffin, standing in the middle of the rows of benches, Erica broke down into tears. Peter drew her into his arms to comfort her, but ended up sobbing loudly himself.
I left them to it, not wanting to intrude. They needed this moment together.
The two of them had always had a tight bond, and it was good to see she had someone to lean on in all of this mess. I’d had too much going on with the twins to see how much I missed from Erica’s life. Maybe I’d thought I was protecting her, or perhaps I’d always thought she was the strongest of the four, and could handle herself. I’d only recently come to realize she’d needed me just as much as the others. Sure, Peter had always been there for her, but sometimes a girl needs her mother. Ever since the twins were born, she’d somehow become second priority, and I’d not been there for her as much as I should have.

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Aidan had parked his wheelchair next to the front bench, and was staring at the coffin with a bland expression. The past few days he’d been distant, and I’d barely gotten a single word out of him. Every time I’d seen him, he’d looked sad and lost in thought. Most of the time he’d kept to himself in his room. I didn’t blame him. None of us had been particularly social the past few days.

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I sat down beside him. “You OK?”
He took a deep breath, not taking his eyes off the coffin. “Not really, no.”
“Not the right question for today, I guess. What’s on your mind, then?”
He sat quietly for a while, and I didn’t want to push it.

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“Can you promise me something, mom?” he finally said.
“What’s that?”
“When I die, please don’t do the whole church funeral thing. It’s just too… I don’t know.” He shifted his eyes, looking around at the wooden benches and the big glass windows, and finally laid his eyes on the statue of a cross at the back of the church. “This place just gives me the creeps.”

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He’d said ‘when’, talking about his too rapidly approaching death so matter-of-factly you’d think he was making a casual remark about the weather.
My heart sank a little, but I tried not letting it show on my face.
“I know what you mean. But this was her request, and it’s just how it is. It’s customary to respect people’s last wishes, even if we might not always agree with them.”

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She’d left a handwritten notebook in a drawer, with funeral details and favorite hymns, probably to make things easier for us. I’d not even known she had written anything like that, and wondered if she’d perhaps had a feeling of how things would turn out, or if she’d just left the notes as a precaution. I’d never realized how hard it could be to think straight after a loss, and the notebook had been a big help in sorting out some things that might have led to disagreements. Still, reading her notes had been difficult.
Aidan looked down at his hands. “I know. It’s just… Sometimes it’s difficult, you know. People believe so many different things.”

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He was silent for a while, staring at the topmost window panel featuring an angel-like figure.
He then gave me a sad smile. “It’s a nice thought, I guess, to think of a place where people can meet again. But honestly? The more I think about it, the more complicated it gets. And it does not make sense to me. I don’t like it when things don’t make sense.” He briefly glanced at the coffin. “Some days, nothing makes sense what so ever.”

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“What would make sense to you, then?”
“I believe in living life to the fullest,” he said, after a short break. “I don’t think there’s going to be anything for me after death, not really. Except perhaps becoming a tree. That’d be nice. Kind of like living forever, you know.”
I gave him a sideways glance. “People don’t just turn into trees, Aidan.”
He turned to me, eyebrows slightly raised. I even detected the shadow of a proper smile lurking in the corner of his mouth. “What happened to respecting people’s wishes?”

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I almost smiled. Put it to Aidan to twist every word around. Put it to him to make me smile, when all I wanted to do was to cry.
He went back to studying his fingers. “You know… You could plant a tree. Maybe next to the headstone. You could see me growing up, because after a while I would be part of the tree. I’d always be able to watch over you, and I’d know you’d be breathing in clean air when visiting me. I’ve always liked to feel the wind in my face, and the grass on my feet. I think I’d like being a tree. At least I’d know I would see you again, because you would come visit me.” He glanced up at me. “Maybe I could even have a pet squirrel.”
I knew he was trying to cheer me up, make me forget, but if anything it only made me want to cry even more.
“Do you think we could maybe plant a tree on her grave? I think she would like that. We’ve got to plant lilies, that’s for sure.”

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I didn’t get the chance to answer, saved by the distraction of people starting to mill in, and the priest stepped up to the altar, the ceremony about to start.
Quite honestly, I couldn’t have answered him even if I wanted to, because I suddenly struggled to keep back a flood of tears.
I glanced over at Aidan. That day would come, I knew. The day when this bright, beautiful ray of sunshine would stop shining. But for the moment, we had him. For the moment, that particular sad day was hopefully far away into the distant future. Maybe it would be easier to deal with it then.
Only maybe.
If anything, the more I got to know him, the more I knew I would miss him. He and his sister had come crashing into our lives with a lot more drama than we’d needed, but faced with the alternative of not having any of them, I’d rather go through every single day, even the bad ones, all over again.

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Our family sat down at the two front benches to the left.
My parents joined us on the bench directly behind ours. Mom’s eyes were red from crying. Dad didn’t look much better off. Various other relatives and friends of the family were also dotted throughout the benches.
The last ones to arrive were Theodore and a nurse from the assisted living facility.

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The nurse drove the wheelchair up to the bench behind ours, parking Theodore’s wheelchair behind Aidan’s. Before the nurse could sit down, Erica glanced briefly at me with a defiant expression, and butted in between mom and Theodore, thus forcing the nurse to sit down on the bench behind them.

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The ceremony started about five minutes later.
The priest had a lot to say in his preach, and there were several hymns to sing. I didn’t manage to pay much attention, because Aidan’s words rolled over and over again in my mind.
Already from a very early age I suspected he’d known he would die sooner than most people. At three years old, he had not been much concerned with where babies came from, or why the sky was blue. He asked the really tough questions, such as “how is it like to die?” and would get frustrated when we didn’t have a good enough answer for him. Once before a surgery when he was just four years old, he’d been in a lot of pain, and asked me “Does it hurt to die? If it does, I think I’m dying right now.” Another time I’d found him curled up and completely still in a cardboard box from a doll house, and when I asked what he was doing, he’d said “Ssshh, I’m practicing.” On the outside of the box, Lily was busy writing “Aidan” and a big heart, in squiggly lines with a felt-tip pen. That look she gave me… Well, I don’t think she was fascinated with the idea, to say it the least, but she’d always played along with his ideas. I had noticed he’d refused her to switch their roles on that particular game. He had always been sure he would leave before her. He’d always been overprotective of her, even if Lily had always insisted she was the ‘big sister’ in their relationship, since she was a minute older. He had never let her take the blame for something, and he’d always protected her feelings. He’d let her have the last piece of his favorite food, or let her play with the best toys (even if they usually ended up sharing).
Aidan’s idea of life had always been to get as much out of it as he possibly could, within reasonable limits. Perhaps because he knew he didn’t have much of it left. Lily had simply gone along with it, thus putting in as much Aidan-time as she possibly could. Maybe it was a coincidence that most of the things Aidan chose to do were things Lily had loved, but I didn’t think so. They had always been there to cheer up the other during tough times, and they had always shared a strong bond, already from long before they were born.
I’d always feared what would happen if one of them died. The two had practically been joined at the hip from day one, somehow even when physically apart from each other. I’d heard of cases where one person in a happy relationship would die, and the other followed soon after, even if they’d been healthy, the so-called broken heart syndrome. I sure hoped Aidan planning his own funeral wasn’t part of that.
The thought of losing them both was simply unbearable.

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“… And she was an inspiration to all of us,” I heard the priest say, and snapped out of my thoughts for a moment. “She fought long and hard, but in the end, death claimed her. Death comes to all of us in the end.”
The priest led on with yet another hymn, this one even more solemn than the previous.
Sure, death will always be the last thing everyone needs to go through, but no need to rub it in. If you weren’t already miserable before going to a church funeral, you sure were after attending it, I thought to myself.
Sometimes I wondered if the whole religion thing wasn’t just a scam to make people be more at peace with dying. Spending their precious time on Earth to buy a place in paradise, to keep them covered when they died. Some religions would claim a continuation of life in eternal bliss, and others would claim reincarnation, or other equally out-there explanations. But what if there really was nothing, like Aidan seemed to think? The more I thought of it, the more it made sense that the “me” in a person’s mind was a sum of of their brain connections, and not a separate, invisible soul. What if the only thing we were destined for was become fertilizer for the flower bed at a grave site. What if we wouldn’t see loved ones again? Wouldn’t it make the time we had while alive much more precious?
It was no wonder Aidan wanted to make the most of his life, if this really was everything to him.

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Peter was the first to take the podium to say some words.
He talked of her being an inspiration, and a loving person. He talked of her love of flowers, and how she’d been loving and kind to everyone around her. His words came from the heart, not from a prepared speech. I found myself listening closely, smiling as I recalled all those good moments he spoke of.

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Erica spoke next, even if she was barely able to get any words out. I admired her for it. I would have broken down in tears and stumbled on words if it was me up there.
And just out of the blue she started singing, this beautiful song about the loss of a loved one. It was the first time in a very long while I’d heard her sing. The high ceiling made her voice echo around the room, creating an almost otherworldly experience, even without any instruments playing. It was beautiful, and sad, but at the same time, the perfect good-bye.

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After talking, Erica was inconsolable. She sat down next to Theodore, and the two of them joined in a tight embrace, both of them sobbing silently.

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Mom sat down closer to Erica, stroking her back and murmuring comforting words.
“It’s alright to cry, kiddo,” Theodore said to his granddaughter. “No need for the tough act today. You did great up there, and I think she’d be proud of you.”

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Others took the podium too, but I didn’t manage to pay attention to what they were saying. So many nice words of praise and admiration, and yet I had difficulties believing the words were truly heartfelt, or if they were just things people would say in any funeral. Erica and Peter’s words were the only ones I actually believed. I found it strange how people could stand there and talk so nice about a person, when most of them hadn’t even bothered visiting her back when they had the chance.
The ceremony was over before I was able to wrap my head around it all.
Four people walked over to the coffin, Peter, Tony and my dad among them. They each took a handle, and lifted it up.

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They walked calmly toward the double doors, with the priest in front. Everyone followed behind, the closest family first, then the rest.

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The coffin was loaded into the hearse, and we drove in a silent parade to the graveyard. Upon arrival, we all walked to the gravesite, where a deep, rectangular hole had been dug up. Trees were watching over the site, letting in just enough sunlight to make it dance on the ground. Aidan was right. She would have loved it here.
The coffin was then carefully placed in straps, and slowly lowered down into the hole.
Everyone were silent, an eerie absence of sound, occasionally broken up by a sob or the shuffling of feet against the soft ground.

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All of those who had been closest to her threw a single red rose down at the coffin.

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The priest said some final words, and ended with “earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust,” throwing a ceremonial spade of earth down at the coffin between each line. Each rain of earth landed on the coffin with a hollow thump, showering the roses.

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And then the ceremony was over. Just like that.
I found it surprising that my eyes were still dry.
Maybe it was the shock of it all.
Maybe all the tears had already been cried.

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I turned around, throwing one last look back at the cross they’d temporarily planted at the edge of the hole, and read the name.
For the past year there was one name I’d hoped never to see on one of those crosses, but there it was.
Lily’s name, in bold, golden letters.
Seeing her name there tore my heart to pieces.

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“You okay?”
I looked up at the person the voice belonged to, and realized I was sitting down. I couldn’t even remember doing so. My vision was clouded, too.

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Melanie sat next to me on a bench, stroking my back. She offered me a paper towel, and I graciously accepted. People were leaving, and the graveyard was mostly empty, save for our family.
“I can’t remember the last time I was okay,” I answered to her question. “I’m not even sure if I remember what the word means.”

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*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-


Next chapter: June (hopefully).

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 Post subject: Re: CHAPTER 85: Till death do us part
PostPosted: Sat Apr 23, 2016 10:32 pm 
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Nooooooooooooo she is gone... That"s so sad ... I hoped the dead one wasn't Lily but Tia ( I know it's very cruel, but Lily was so young and beautiful ).

I'm eager to read more and see how they'll go trough this.


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 Post subject: Re: CHAPTER 85: Till death do us part
PostPosted: Sat Apr 23, 2016 11:44 pm 
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Amazing chapter. A lot of funerals can be overwrought and drawn-out but yours was straight to the point and the poignance of the issue. It felt very natural and I can't wait for the next chapter.

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 Post subject: Re: CHAPTER 85: Till death do us part
PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2016 12:16 am 
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I bawled. Once I hit the part where Aidan was detailing his "life" as a tree I lost all composure. It's weird, because Lily was a story character (which alone would make me cry) but she was a part of my life for many years, I've followed this story for a long time now. Emotions aside, I really liked the way this chapter was done, it was emotion-evoking but still pretty simple and well done.

Side note: I was hoping and expecting a plot twist where it wasn't Lily!

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 Post subject: Re: CHAPTER 85: Till death do us part
PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2016 4:28 am 
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My heart just broke... :'c

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 Post subject: Re: CHAPTER 85: Till death do us part
PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2016 6:39 pm 
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Pssst... It was totally Tiana who was buried. That's my explaination, and I'm sticking to it! Nothing else makes sense. If this really was Lily's funeral, how come her grandmother wasn't there? Even if she had bad Alzheimer, there's no point in not bringing her to the funeral. As for it saying "Lily" on the cross, that was probably Tiana's middle name. It would hit Jenna a bit in the gut to see that particular name on a cross, hence her reaction.

No, I'm not in denial! This is what I believe! Of course Tiana loved lilies and flowers, she used to be a florist. Besides, when would Lily have had time to write down those notes about her funeral. She didn't want to plan getting buried, she wanted to plan her life! This was a lot more like something an old woman would have done, an old woman who was losing her memories. Also, it doesn't make sense for Jenna to feel bitter about nobody visiting Lily, because she's been in isolation and nobody would have been allowed to see her. Finally, if this was Lily's funeral, her friends and classmates would have been there. Lily's alive!

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 Post subject: Re: CHAPTER 85: Till death do us part
PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2016 7:04 pm 
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TigerAnne wrote:
Pssst... It was totally Tiana who was buried. That's my explaination, and I'm sticking to it! Nothing else makes sense. If this really was Lily's funeral, how come her grandmother wasn't there? Even if she had bad Alzheimer, there's no point in not bringing her to the funeral. As for it saying "Lily" on the cross, that was probably Tiana's middle name. It would hit Jenna a bit in the gut to see that particular name on a cross, hence her reaction.

No, I'm not in denial! This is what I believe! Of course Tiana loved lilies and flowers, she used to be a florist. Besides, when would Lily have had time to write down those notes about her funeral. She didn't want to plan getting buried, she wanted to plan her life! This was a lot more like something an old woman would have done, an old woman who was losing her memories. Also, it doesn't make sense for Jenna to feel bitter about nobody visiting Lily, because she's been in isolation and nobody would have been allowed to see her. Finally, if this was Lily's funeral, her friends and classmates would have been there. Lily's alive!



I was surprised that Peter's mother wasn't here too, but I thought it was due to her condition.
I was also suprised by the funeral at the church.. I don't think Lily would want this.
And none of Lily's doctors were here.
And I've noticed something else, not in this chapter, but in the last part of "a diary in the making."

I hope you're true.

Edit: After re reading this chapter and the new part of "a diary in the making" I think alas Lily is dead or she is about to die.

If Lily is dead I have two explanations about her classmates

They didn't care of her anymore
She didn't want them to her funeral.


Last edited by YsatisLily on Sun May 01, 2016 6:48 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: CHAPTER 85: Till death do us part
PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2016 1:52 am 
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No way was that Lilly, that was the grandmother, I'm sure of it. That was a throw them off the path chapter.

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 Post subject: Re: CHAPTER 85: Till death do us part
PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2016 5:17 am 
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TigerAnne, I can get behind this theory. I'll go with it. I can live in denial forever. I got this.

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 Post subject: Re: CHAPTER 85: Till death do us part
PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2016 1:17 pm 
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It's not denial, Katie. This is a bona fide conspiracy theory!

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